Sunday, April 08, 2007
the past few days had been a nightmare. pure emotional roller coaster ride. but it taught me a few things...
1) i love my granma so much. it aches my heart tremendously to see her suffering and the emotions are uncontrollable.
2) i have the best family in the world. though we all have our differences, we all come together during this crucial time. people previously not talking to each other have buried the hatchet, everyone's giving each other encouragement and i'm just glad we're united to help granma fight through this period of time.
3) i'm glad i have a supporting bf who's giving me the mental strength that i need.
4) i think i have taken some things for granted. and i'm ashamed of that.
5) it's only human to tear, it's alright to cry. it felt so much better hugging my youngest uncle and crying my heart out outside the ward that night granma said those words she said.
6) but after tears have been shed, we should toughen up and face up to reality. it is through our strength that granma finds hers. at the same time, it is also her determination that feeds our growing strength and bond.
7) life's unpredictable. we should all treasure those around us while we can. i know it's cliche but it is so very true. now i wish i've hugged my granma more, visited her more often, held her hand more and talked to her more. this feeling of regret is the worst thing in the world cos i know i cannot turn back the hands of time.
8) i'm so afraid of losing her. i hold on to her hand everynite for fear that she will slip away from me. i find myself getting panicky when she takes a milli-second longer before breathing in. i almost fainted when the meter on her finger came off by accident and one of the lines on the screen went into a flat straight line.
9) i will do anything for granma to get better and be able to go home. she doesn't deserve this kind of suffering.
10) we should all take care of our health when we're still young, cos it will accumulate into illnesses when we grow older.
actually i'm also really worried about the exams. how to study when all i'm thinking is whether granma will pull through today or not. and i am feeling so horrible being so far away from her. the stupid exams are taking me away from my granma. at the same time something is nagging me at the back of my mind.. what of something bad really happens.. i want to be near her.. :(
{/5:19 pm}
Dum DeeDee Dum!
